Is this enough?

The early stages of motherhood thrust me into an exhausting balancing act. My heart was full but my life needed new rhythms. Feelings of overwhelming joy and desperation somehow managed to collide.

In an effort to carve out devotional time, a quick bath was my opportunity to connect with God. Unfortunately a turn of the page caused my book to take a nose dive into the water.

Bends and crinkles resided on pages that were once nice and neat. And portions of nothingness replaced previously legible words. Thankfully a rapid response minimized the damage.

---

We waited years for a child, so being fully awake to meet her was a huge prayer request. But after almost 12 hours of labor, our daughter went into distress. Within moments things went from normal to chaotic. The only option was surgery.

A lot happened in a short amount of time. And after a couple weeks, the weightiness of it all rolled in. I was thankful but disappointed.... grateful but spiritually depleted. It wasn’t something I shared. I mean how could I be holding a miracle and feel so distant from the miracle worker? I needed time in God's presence but struggled to get there.

---

 …how could I be holding a miracle and feel so distant from the miracle worker?

---

When my Pastor called to check in, I responded with the standard, “I’m fine.” After all, starting a conversation with, “ I feel empty.” didn’t seem appropriate. Thankfully my lack of transparency didn't bother him. He posed the question a second time and before I could respond, the words, "You know ... you can spend time with God while feeding her, rocking her to sleep….." released a reservoir of tears.

For weeks I felt like what I was offering God wasn't enough. I was accustomed to a certain pattern for my devotional time. But this season was different. There were only small windows if that. ... to read and pray. And studying? Well… that wasn't even an option.

The conversation with my Pastor taught me I didn't have to approach the Father the same way. It wasn’t necessary to be confined to a particular hour of the day, length of time or posture. God wasn't holding me hostage to a rigid schedule. That was my own doing.

---

God wasn't holding me hostage to a rigid schedule. That was my own doing.

---

1 Thessalonians 5:17 encourages us to "pray without ceasing" yet how to actually do that was sort of a mystery. My Pastor helped connect the dots. So I started praying in the grocery store, while running errands, folding clothes, preparing dinner and rocking our Bayley to sleep.

I made efforts to turn my focus towards the Lord all throughout the day. Gradually I sensed the sweetness of His presence. I gave God what I had and it was enough.

Your Sister Friend,

One Way

My friend knew the side roads and short cuts in the city. "It's easy", she'd say while running down the directions to my next stop. Unfortunately it didn't take long for Charlie Brown's teacher to completely take over the conversation. To counteract my confusion, I'd scribble the directions on whatever was available. (This was pre Google Maps.)

But inevitably what was supposed to take thirty minutes morphed into almost a two hour adventure. I wasn't just lost. I was lost lost!

You see at some point, the directions from my friend, who was a native of the city, looked as if they were taking me the wrong way. Sooo.... I, the one who's directionally challenged, chose a different route.

---

If I'm honest, I'm guilty of doing the same with God. He's given precise instructions yet I've created my own. Surely God wouldn’t lead us on a path that caused pain or blatantly bypassed our plans. Would He? In reality, often times than not, God calls us to do hard things. He beckons us to walk out assignments we’d rather run away from.

---

In reality, often times than not, God calls us to do hard things. He beckons us to walk out assignments we’d rather run away from.

---

Jonah found himself in a similar situation. The people of Nineveh were known for their extreme corruption and violence. In his opinion they didn’t deserve saving. As a matter of fact, the Ninevites were so cruel, Jonah wanted them to be punished. But, God had a redemption strategy that required Jonah’s cooperation.

Unfortunately things went a little off course when Jonah decided to ditch God's plan. Instead of going to Nineveh, he boarded a ship destined to Tarshish, which was approximately 2,500 miles in the opposite direction.

---

There are times when we have the privilege of choice. But even then, choosing outside the will and purpose of God alters everything. Instead of gaining freedom, we set ourselves on a dangerous and sometimes deadly course. As it relates to Jonah, God’s directions weren’t options. They were commands the Prophet chose to disobey.

I don’t think Jonah imagined God would respond to his disobedience by sending a storm that resulted in him being thrown overboard. And I’m pretty sure he didn’t anticipate God appointing a great fish to swallow him up. - Jonah 1:4-17

The truth of the matter is, we can’t foresee or dictate the consequences of resisting God.

Yet despite Jonah’s wayward behavior, God was determined to get his attention. And, He did. Three days in the belly of a fish is a pretty big eye opener!

---

The truth of the matter is, we can’t foresee or dictate the consequences of resisting God.

---

After traveling way too long, it was obvious I had no idea where I was going. Stopping and asking for help was the only solution. Are you a member of the “Chose My Own Way”crew? Since it's just the two of us, let's talk. How's it working out? Do you feel lost? Are you exhausted and frustrated? Do you need help finding the right path?

You know the enemy wants us to think we've gone so far in the wrong direction that we could never get back. But that, my friend, is so not true! God is waiting for us to turn in His direction.

While Jonah was in the fish he prayed, remembered and repented. - Jonah 2

The change in his heart posture led to a course correction. The same can be true for us.

As our hearts soften towards the things of God, our feet will move in His direction. Why not start today by charting a new path? Just know, in spite of how it looks, God’s ways lead to hope, joy, peace and purpose. And I’m fully convinced there’s only one way …. and that’s His way.

Your Sister Friend,

That’s Who You Are

Sometimes we gain perspectives and wisdom from the length of our journey. And then there are hardships that teach us lessons we never knew we needed to learn. For Grandmama, I think it was a combination of both.

By the time I was in my twenties she was half way through her eighties. Her pilgrimage included multiple mountain top and valley experiences. As a result, she possessed a quiet strength coupled with a knowing that even if things weren't well, they would be.

"....even if things weren't well, they would be."

Grandmama sat in the passenger seat with her arms gently crossed underneath her chest. It was a portrait of contentment and ease. I, on the other hand, was a worried mess. We were traveling back to my new home and thoughts of the long winding road were getting the best of me. I knew something that fear previously wouldn't allow me to admit. But after we buckled up, I blurted it out,"I don't drive that well."

"We'll be fine" she countered back, "I think you're a good driver.

---

Her response reminds me of the Angel's words in Judges 6:12 to Gideon, "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior." It was an odd greeting given Gideon's circumstances.

You see, Israel's disobedience landed them in the hands of the Midianites. Even though their oppressors didn't inhabit the land, the strategy they used was crippling. The Midianites allowed the Israelites to work and plant their fields. And just when the harvest was ripe, they invaded and completely destroyed everything, including the livestock. This went on for seven years.

When the Angel encountered Gideon, he was threshing wheat in a winepress. Wind was essential to the process, so under normal conditions this task was done in an open space. But since the enemy was lurking, Gideon found refuge in an unlikely place.

The Angel's words were far from Gideon's reality. It appeared as if Israel's suffering was hidden from God. And by Gideon's own admission, he didn't fit the bill of a mighty warrior. - Judges 6:15

But God had plans for Gideon. And when the Lord's Angel spoke, he awakened the warrior resting inside. The Angel didn't speak to Gideon's current condition. He spoke to who he was destined to become.

"The Angel didn't speak to Gideon's current condition. He spoke to who he was destined to become."

For an hour an half I clinched the steering wheel, not so gracefully, navigating the curves. Gideon struggled with doubt and lost soldiers he thought he needed to defeat his enemies. Thankfully challenges don't dictate outcomes.

Over the years I've traveled those country roads countless times. Eventually I realized what Grandmama knew all along.

Gideon was afraid but, he pushed past his fears and leaned into the presence of God. With only 300 soldiers, he defeated an army of 135,000 because, "the Spirit of the Lord clothed him with power." - Judges 6:34 NLT

---

Are you feeling unqualified or ill equipped for a task? Does your calling seem impossible? Do you have difficulty seeing yourself the way God sees you? Just know things often appear completely different from what God promises. Focusing on what we see has a way of pulling us off course.

But, meditating on God's Word provides an anchor for the soul. His truth reminds us that we are treasured. We're strong because of His strength. We are chosen and forgiven. We are loved. And we are His. That's who we are. That's who you are.

Your Sister Friend,